After using the term "the light at the end of the tunnel" when referring to completing my masters, I have now reached the end of that tunnel, only to find more tunnel!
The suffocating pressure of deadlines sitting on your chest, all day and al night, has now just turned into a new pressure which actually feels less predictable.The cocoon of education has kept me safe over the past four years, as well has having a toe in the real world in the form of ongoing freelance jobs.
But now things are different. Each time I send an application, a little pin prick of light emerges - hope is restored and maybe things will work out. But as the days pass and the inbox remains empty, that light gets further away and then turns to nothing like it was never there. Application fatigue is real and I am 'in it' right now.
Of course, the act of writing applications is hard, especially when no two are the same nowadays. I have had to answer obscure questions before even getting to a cover letter. "How do you feel about sustainability?" To quote Daisy from Spaced, "I like it, I think it's good". Other interviews have asked for no CV and no personal details in order to act with no bias. And then my personal favourite, being set 'a challenge' before even being taken forward for an interview! I understand companies get hundreds of applications nowadays days and these are just ways to thin the herd - but this just adds to the application fatigue and evaporation of confidence.
And then, nothing. You answer the questions. Jump through the hoops, send your blood samples and post your soul to the devil (at your own expense) and then nothing. No acknowledgement, no "yes but no this time" - nothing, and that pin prick of light becomes a glow worm that just giggles as it flies away happy it tricked you into hoping it would work out this time.
Application Fatigue is a confidence zapper. You sell yourself, tell them why you are great, show them your worth and then... nothing. If you are a sensitive soul like me, after a few months of this, it's debilitating. It feels like a loss of identity, a lack of self worth and at times pretty hopeless.
So how do we tackle it? Well I am still working on that! But so far, taking time away from the laptop,
putting restrictions on when I check emails and keeping a spreadsheet of who I have contacted are my current go tos. Having faith is the most difficult thing when job hunting, so surround yourself
with people who can hold a bit of that faith for you for a bit and I guess just wait and see
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